Lawyer Jokes

Lawyer Jokes and Attorney Humor


Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A: Sue.


Q: What did the lawyer name his son?
A: Bill.


Q: What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.


Q: Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processor?
A: No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.


Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.   They were still arguing when the train hit them.


Lawyer: “Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?”
Client: “After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.”


A doctor and a lawyer were both at a reception. The lawyer noticed that people were constantly coming over to the doctor. “Why are so many people coming over to you?” asked the lawyer. “It’s terrible,” sighed the doctor, “ever since I became a doctor I don’t have a moments peace, people are constantly coming over to me for medical advice.” “I’ll tell you what I do,” said the lawyer with a sneer , “I send them a bill in the mail.” The doctor agreed with the lawyer that this was a good solution. The next day upon mailing the bills he was surprised to see a letter from the lawyer, he was even more surprised when he opened it… it was a bill!